


You wonder why I care

by Leaf



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 23:31:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leaf/pseuds/Leaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My take on how the aftermath of Finn's proposal should have gone. Reposted from tumbrl.</p>
    </blockquote>





	You wonder why I care

**Author's Note:**

> My take on how the aftermath of Finn's proposal should have gone. Reposted from tumbrl.

Normally Rachel would flee to the auditorium under such circumstances, but Finn has already brought her there, in what he must have thought to be a special place for them. What Finn thinks of as their first date of sorts will in Rachel's mind forever be associated with the pain of being left behind, without explanation, after she had tried for the first time in her life to give her heart to someone.

Right now she needs to escape, where to does not matter so much, as long as she can get away from Finn. Rachel would have never in a million years thought to say she need to get away from Finn, yet it is true, she can't handle his presence right now, can't handle the question he has sprung on her out of the blue.

Fearful eyes glance down on the ring in his hand, on the other hand which holds hers, swallowing her small hand in his own and up to his face, so hopeful, so eager to hear her say 'yes' and all it does is frighten her. Rachel feels her breath catch in her throat, her palms grow damp and for once not a word will pass her lips. She can't bring herself to tell him no, but she can't force out a yes either. The panic rises within her, from her slightly queasy stomach up, burning in her throat and complicating the simple action of drawing a breath even more. She needs to get out.

"I don't know," Rachel manages to whisper before she wrenches her hand out of Finn's grip, running away.

She jumps down the stage not caring that it's almost to high to do so in her shoes, sprinting up the stairs to rush out of the double doors not once looking back at her boyfriend.

Later she might think back and ponder if there's dramatic irony somewhere in there, that now Finn is left the same as she was after her first kiss and wonder if Finn cried like she did in sophomore year or if he's gotten angry that his plan hasn't worked out, but not now. In this moment all Rachel needs is a save haven where she can cry and sort her jumbled thoughts out. She needs to get home, preferably before her dads return from work and see her like the mess she is now, because Rachel knows no matter how much she loves her fathers this is not something she can talk to them about.

She's halfway down the hallway, the door to the parking lot already in sight when somebody steps out from the bathroom directly into her path and Rachel with her head down sees them too late to veer out of her way. Hands grab hold of her shoulders to steady them both and as Rachel looks up to apologize she has to see that of all the people in McKinley that she could have run into it has to be Quinn Fabray.

"Rachel you're white as a sheet. Are you sick?" Quinn sounds genuinely worried as she looks down Rachel's sickly pale face, against her normal complexion the contrast is stark.

Seeing, hearing Quinn of all people indeed twists Rachel's stomach as if she might throw up any moment. Weakly she tries to push away from Quinn, intent on continuing to her car to get away from this school. "I'm fine Quinn."

However she doesn't believe her, one look at Rachel easily tells her that the girl is anything but fine and she refuses to let her go. "You don't look fine Rachel, more like you're about to faint. Do you want to go the choir room and rest a bit, or the auditorium? I'll stay with you until you feel better."

Rachel knows in her mind that Quinn is only trying to be helpful, now that they're kind of friends and on another day she would be equal parts thankful and overjoyed that Quinn is offering to take care of her but today the mention of the auditorium where she's sure Finn is still, it's her breaking point. Against her intent to cry only in the comfort of her room the tears spring forward.

In a second she has gone from trying to shove Quinn away to clinging to her, sobbing in her shoulder. When Quinn releases her shoulders, now when Rachel finally doesn't want her to, Rachel fears she will be pushed off with an acid remark of slobbering all over Quinn's top in tow, but instead she is wrapped into a tight embrace. "Shh Rachel, it's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay," she softly says, stroking Rachel's dark locks to soothe her.

But Rachel knows it won't be okay, prompting a fresh wave of tears. "I need to go home," she manages to utter between two sobs and weakly tries to disentangle herself from Quinn, to find the other girl holding tight. "You can't drive like this Rachel, that's crazy."

While Quinn may have a point, Rachel is past caring. If she crashed and burnt right now, at least she wouldn't have to give an answer to Finn she thinks darkly.

"I'll drive you home. Okay Rachel?"

Common sense tells her to decline, she can't be with Quinn now, can't tell her new friend that her ex, Rachel's current boyfriend, has just proposed to her without incurring her wrath.

It would be the ultimate comeuppance, the chance to dangle the proposal in front of Quinn's face, but Rachel doesn't want to hurt Quinn. Infact all she wants right now is a quiet place to sort out her own jumbled emotions, Quinn renouncing their friendship is more than she could take today.

Yet her lips remain sealed which Quinn takes as consent and she guides Rachel to her car all the while still wrapped in a one armed hug. It has Rachel wishing for different circumstances so she could enjoy it more.

Rachel stays silent the whole car ride as does Quinn. It isn't until they're in Rachel's bedroom, finally save from prying eyes and ears that Quinn breaks the silence.

"What happened Rachel?"

Rachel averts her eyes, unable to stand the way Quinn observes her from across the room. She's leaning lightly against Rachel desk in a casual pose but Rachel can see her muscles are tensed not relaxed.

"Thanks fro driving me Quinn but I'd like to be alone right now," she says, hoping her friend will grant her this wish but Quinn still makes no move to leave. Rachel wrings her hands together in her lap, trying not to cry again. She doesn't want to involve Quinn any further to spare her the hurt, but the girl obviously doesn't see that.

"Won't you tell me what's wrong at last? I'm – I never thought I'd say this but I'm worried about you Rachel."

Rachel bites her lip, the plea is hard to ignore when it comes from Quinn. "I'm sorry," she almost whispers it, "but I can't tell you."

At that admission Quinn perks up, her whole posture straightening, looking ready to pounce.

"Okay, what did Finn do to you?"

Her eyes grow wide, clearly taken by surprise at the question. "I didn't say anything about Finn!"

It's a lame dodge, she knows, but it's the best she can do at the moment, she's drained, still confused and she needs to get Quinn to leave, for Quinn is the last person she can tell about the proposal if she doesn't want to loose their friendship so soon after she has gained it.

Quinn just raised her eyebrow with her patented 'please girl, do you think I'm stupid?' expression.

"What else would this be about, if you suddenly refuse to talk to me, when you told me so much of what bothered these last weeks. We..." Quinn hesitates for a moment and Rachel perks up, intently looking at Quinn while she searches for word to go on.

"We may not be best friends, but I think we're close enough to be honest with each other. You can tell me."

Rachel wants to believe the conviction in Quinn's voice but this goes beyond the usual. Sadly she shakes her head their friendship is not ready for this sort of revelation. She doubts whether it will ever be. "I'm sorry Quinn, I can't but I won't lie to you either."

They regard each other, both waiting for a sign on how to proceed, then Quinn pushes herself from Rachel's desk and sits down on the bed, right next to Rachel. Her hazel eyes bore into Rachel's and she almost wants to shrink back, away from the intense scrutiny.

"Whatever he said or did, you can tell me. I promise you I won't blame you this time and you will not loose me over this."

Sometimes Rachel wonders if Quinn can read her mind. Or maybe she's the only person who really pays attention to Rachel.

The urge to trust those words is overwhelming, it would feel so good to get it out, to get council on how to proceed now, still Rachel finds it hard to believe she would finally have friend to share such things with, that is if marriage proposal can be labeled 'such things'.

"Pinky swear?" she asks, brushing away the stray tears Quinn's promise lured forward. Quinn scoffs, but holds out her pinky nevertheless and Rachel wraps hers tight around it.

Still no words will come as Quinn watches her, waiting.

"Rachel," she prompts softly.

"He asked me to marry him," she says in her tiniest voice, but the way Quinn looks she might have shouted it at her with one of Sue Sylvester's megaphones.

Quinn's eyebrows draw dangerously close together and her hazel eyes have lost every ounce of warmth they held a moment ago. Instinctively Rachel slides away from Quinn, bracing herself for the anger about to be unleashed.

"I'm sorry Quinn, so sorry." Not that Rachel thought it would help much to placate her anger, but for what their short friendship had been worth Rachel has cherished it and she truly is sorry to hurt Quinn like this. At least Quinn makes no move to hit her.

"What did you did you answer him? Tell me you said 'no'," she asks instead through clenched teeth.

There it is coming, the cry of outrage, the resentment for getting Finn to choose her over Quinn, the renouncement of their friendship. Rachel readies herself to be slapped any moment, breathing out a meek "Nothing. I panicked and ran."

The scene plays over in her head, the hopeful look in her boyfriend's eyes and the utter panic she felt at seeing it there and she can't hold back her tears.

Contrary to her expectation Quinn is immediately next to her, cradling her in her arms and stroking her hair in that soothing way again, even though Rachel can see her face still contorted through her tears.

"I'm sorry," Rachel sobs again because she doesn't know what else to say.

"Don't be," Quinn replies this time, in a gentler voice than Rachel expected to hear. She doesn't understand how Quinn can be so much calmer than her about this.

"But he's your ex -" Rachel starts only for Quinn to interrupt her before she can even finish the sentence.

"I really don't want Finn anymore after all the crap he pulled last year, if that's what you're worried about."

Rachel pulls back a little, wiping her eyes to watch Quinn closely, assessing the truth of her words.

She can detect no traces of falsehood neither in Quinn's voice nor her face. Relief that she isn't going to loose her best friend over this washes over her as she sinks back into Quinn's arms.

"Looks like you're going to get your schoolgirl fantasy," she hears Quinn murmur above her. She can't discern the tone in her voice, it's neither happy nor angry, just flat. She sounds like the punk version of herself, Rachel thinks, the girl who pretended to care about nothing and still cared too much about everything.

"No matter how hard we try to send you away, you always keep coming back."

Rachel slips out out the embrace, sitting a little straighter to look her friend in the eye. "What do you mean Quinn?"

"Isn't it obvious? You can't tell me you're not tempted to say yes to Finn."

Resigned, Rachel recognizes, she sounds resigned as if the decision has already been made. Rachel shakes her head. As hard as it may be to belief for the first time in her life she has no idea what she wants and it frightens her.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do now Quinn!" She raises her hands in exasperation but it's so weakly a gesture it comes of as helpless as she secretly feels. Quinn regards her silently, expressionless. If she knew it to be possible Rachel would swear Quinn has also dropped the temperature in the room.

"What do you want to do Rachel? Do you want to say yes?"

She starts to shake her head before she can even think about it, she not really, or if she does she doesn't know it. Still part of her feels wrong for denying Finn so immediately, he's her boyfriend and so many times she has wished he would fight for them, now she can't cast it all away without considering it.

"I'm not sure what I want," she confesses shyly ducking her head. It's easier to watch the comforter than Quinn's face. "I always dreamed of a proposal, but not like this, not now. I always saw myself on Broadway, maybe already a Tony under my belt and then my male lead would come onto the stage, the hidden orchestra would start to play and he'd kneel down and ask me."

She knows it sounds silly, but it was one of those romantic dreams she has kept for years and she almost expects Quinn to laugh in her face but she doesn't. All she does is shaking her head with a nearly inaudible say as Rachel sees from the corner of her eye.

"Don't you think you've already made your decision Rachel?" she asks into the silence for Rachel to shake her head again. Quinn ignores it. "Why didn't you say yes right away if it is what you really want?"

Her friend has a point there, Rachel concedes, but still. The need to justify her position is there. "He caught me off-guard, I was surprised but Finn was so sweet. If you heard him you would not be able to turn him down easily."

At that Quinn cocks her eyebrow. "Oh really? Tell me what he said, word for word please."

Rachel eyes her sceptically, nevertheless she draws a deep breath and starts relaying Finn's words best as she can. She's pleased when she finds that her memory even serves her in stress situations as this when she is able to remember Finn's speech almost verbatim.

"'I feel like if I can convince you to let me do that, everything's going to be okay'!"Quinn repeats, her mouth open in something akin to shock for a second.

Rachel doesn't get any further when Quinn slams her fist with a loud thump on the comforter, her pretense of not caring gone.

"That idiot! I can't believe he had the audacity to put you under pressure like that! I'm going to..."

She doesn't quite get what Quinn is going to do with her boyfriend as her sentence trails of in an inarticulate grumble but it sounds painful and Rachel's protectiveness kicks in.

"Quinn, don't be like that. He wanted to make me feel special."

"No, he didn't, didn't you listen to him?" Quinn flares up. "He needs you to make himself feel special. He's practically blackmailing you with this proposal by telling you that you're the only good thing left in his life right now. Don't fall for that Rachel."

The thought has been nagging in the back of her mind since she fled the auditorium and she has pushed it back hard as she could but hearing Quinn say it, voicing her own thoughts makes Rachel feel a little bit less evil for thinking them. If Quinn sees it that way too, it can't be all in her head right?

Still, it doesn't bring on any conclusion. She has to face Finn again soon and she can say neither yes nor no in good conscious. Before she realizes it, she is up, pacing through her room. Where there were no words in her mouth before, there are too many now all pouring out of her mouth.

"I don't really want to marry right now, not Finn or anybody. I never considered marriage at this age, it's nowhere included in my life plan. Sure I could change the plan, but this would be kind of monumental and who says we will make it? But how can I say no after he laid himself so bare in front of me, he's going to be so hurt and angry if I say no. Then there's..."

"Rachel." Quinn cuts in the torrent of words. At hearing her name she stops her pacing in the middle of her room. "I'm not saying this with any lingering resentment about the last two years, I know Finn played us both. So believe me when I say that this is said without ulterior motives."

Quinn waits, as if she want a sign of acknowledgment, a sign Rachel trusts her, before she continues. Rachel nods, ever so slightly and Quinn goes on.

"He doesn't love you as much as he claims to, let alone as much as you deserve to be loved,"

Rachel feels herself blush at the notion that Quinn Fabray, beautiful, perfect Quinn of all people tells her she deserves to be loved.

"let's be honest the person Finn Hudson loves the most is himself. If he loved you so much he wouldn't ask this of you, making you choose between what your destined to be and him."

Rachel still looks insecure. "But what will he do if I say no? He's already so down because of his father and he's still hung up that Shane got scouted instead of him..."

She's about to start pacing once again when Quinn rises from the bed, walks over and gently takes her hands. Her face is stern when she looks down on Rachel using her height advantage to the fullest. "Did you listen to yourself just now? Not one of your reasons was about you, every single one was about Finn. He thinks he needs you because he was too lazy in the last years to set a goal to strive for. You dropped into his life and now he's scrambling for a way to keep you in it."

"But..."

"No 'but's' Rachel," Quinn squeezes her hands tighter. Their warmth and softness is oddly comforting Rachel notes. "If you stay here with him, how long will it take until you regret what you missed out on in New York? How long until you resent him for keeping you from Broadway?"

She knows Quinn is right, Broadway has always been her first love long before she ever knew Finn and always when she and Finn where apart. Why does she have to hurt either him or herself in this, Rachel asks herself. When she keeps silent Quinn tries again. "I will scream at you again if I have to Rachel, but if you stay I will never forgive you. You never belonged here and you're way too good to waste your life and talent away in this dump of a city."

Tentatively Rachel disengages their hands to hug Quinn, she needs something, someone, to steady her in her resolution. She swallows audibly against Quinn's shoulder.

"I'm going to loose him, aren't I?" she whispers.

Once again soft hands are stroking her hair. Quinn's voice is right next to her ear, her tone gentle and warm once more. "Yes you will. But didn't you put an expiration date on your relationship anyway? It's only coming to an end a little sooner."

"I hoped we would make it through the year, maybe we would have been mature enough to try long distance by then."

It's another confession she never intended to give, but with Quinn they come to her mouth so easily. Maybe she muses, while listening to the steady breathing next to her, its the same for Quinn, the way she can let her walls down only with Rachel. With a heavy sigh Rachel pushed back, smoothing down her dress getting back into the businesslike mode she'll need to formulate her decline for Finn. Now that she has made the decision in her mind she feels lighter, not so afraid anymore. Suddenly she is grateful that Quinn ignored her initial request to leave.

"Thank you for staying with me Quinn. You helped me immensely."

"Anytime," her friend replies and she looks like she really means it.

"Too bad love has to hurts, isn't it?" Rachel attempts a cheerful grin, but it falls a little flat. Quinn shakes her head. "This isn't about love Rachel. Finn doesn't need for you to let him love you, if you love somebody you simply do and it means helping your love get whatever is best for them, regardless where it leaves you. He could still love you in New York."

With a last smile and a wave Quinn has left her bedroom as Rachel wonders what she wanted to say with her last sentence. Obviously, Quinn is right again, but the way her eyes took on a wistful far away gaze Rachel can't shake the feeling she's missing out on a deeper meaning.


End file.
